Observations
by Soobin
Summary: We are all fools in love but there is no understanding the ones who have already fallen. Comments on a relationship. Felix/Gianna
1. Observations

Title: Observations

Genre: One-Shot

Author: Soobin

Word Count: 997

Characters/Pairing: Felix/Gianna, Marcus

Rating: PG

Spoilers: slight spoilers for Twilight, New Moon

He is not exactly the type I can picture easily whispering soothing words to calm fear-struck nerves but I know he will be in the hours of the afternoon when she has finally finished her work and is open for his futile attempts. We are not creatures born for pity and compassion and even as a human he was anything but _sensitive_. I would laugh if I could not empathise with him that well. Their bond is firm and strong – something it has been for quite a while now. It does not budge an inch under the pressure which is exerted on them from the outside.

He has avoided my brother's touch – his master's – for a few weeks now but since Aro feels confident and comfortable with the current situation he just lets it go and he is not ordered to let his thoughts be controlled. Naturally, this will not continue this way forever and there is no avoiding my eyes and what they see. I cannot understand what it is about her that caught his eye and his never beating heart but I know I am not supposed to – and maybe I am simply not able to.

We are all fools in love but there is no understanding the ones who have already fallen.

He thinks we do not see how he looks at her. There is an expression in his eyes that speaks volumes of his longing for her presence and I know that somewhere down the road I used to look at my beloved just as foolishly.

His expression confused me at first because I connected his longing to the sweet scent of her blood but then I have seen him that way even directly after feeding as well. I wondered if she was his singer since the singer's call is said to be as strong and tempting as ever even if your general thirst has just been quenched. That is nearly impossible though. To see the connection between one of our race and his singer one does not need a special talent. There is no controlling yourself and we would have noticed that. The girl is still alive as well. If it had been that case we probably would have given her to him as a prize for his loyalty since she has shown no obvious talent in all the time she has been working for us and he is not known for his astonishing self-control.

He thinks we do not notice how seriously they treat each other now. There has always been some kind of attraction between them even if it has just been the sort that is fixed to be between our kind and our prey but their playful banter has become more and more artificial. Now that they have realised what kind of impacts reality has on their future, there is no place anymore for flirting and laughter.

She also blushes more often in his presence than she has done before but her heart has ceased to speed up all the time. I wonder what that means. It was easier to understand the human ways when I still had blood pumping through my veins and the beat of my heart echoing in my ears.

Their bond is evident in the small gestures they share when they think my brothers are not watching them. They do not pay attention to me because they think I have already retreated into my thoughts again but I am perceptive and it is useful that my appearance is obviously so deceiving. I have seen her adjust the collar of his jacket, her fingers lingering a subtle moment too long on the marble texture that is our skin. I have watched him trail his fingers down the inside of her wrist under the pretence of assessing a new bracelet, his gaze holding not only the appropriate amount of desire for her blood but too many fateful wishes and promises.

I know that he will try to take her away from us – somewhere safe – because his feelings tell him he has to and he certainly is aware of how painfully at risk she is with us. I wanted to make my love safe as well and she had not even been in a danger at that moment that dared to take her life – at least not one I had known and noticed then. He knows we have no intention of turning her and I wonder if he is more afraid that we might want her blood for ourselves or that we might order him to drink from her in front of us. If there were doubts concerning his loyalty, this would be more than likely thus putting him on a test. No matter how it turns out in the end it is a win-win situation for us because he is well aware of the fact that rejecting a human girl would never kill him but rejecting my brothers brings a death sentence on him.

Nature has created us as selfish beings. What use do you have for a conscience when you kill to survive? It proves that falling in love with your prey is unnatural and complicated. It is simply wrong.

After having considered all of this, I realise that there is no solution for them. Their bond will be the doom of them because I have no possibility to avoid my brother's touch and he will see it in my thoughts. He will read his guard's thoughts then and I am sure it will show him a great betrayal of us.

They are not Edward Cullen and his singer. They are Felix and Gianna and they are not free to feel what they want. I feel a great sadness wash over me. Each time I see love fail it reminds me of my beloved and the pain is devastating.

And with that I let myself retreat into my favourite memories and reality fades from my vision.


	2. Perceptions

**Title:** Perceptions  
**Genre:** One-Shot  
**Author: **Soobin  
**Word Count: **1180**  
Characters/Pairing:** Felix/Gianna  
**Rating:** T  
**Category:** Drama  
**Spoilers:** slight spoilers for New Moon  
**AN:** This one-shot kind of follows "Observations" and is written from Gianna's point of view. She annoyed the hell out of me until I had this written down and hopefully she's satisfied now. Felix is still waiting for his chance though which means there will definitely be a third part as well. :D

I shiver in his arms tonight and I do not know why. Is it because I fear for him and the most selfish part of me fears for myself? That part is the raised index finger of my stern aunt, who bares no similarity to her sister, telling me that I have been far too reckless and someday I will have to pay the price for it, like she has done so many times before, and I hope she would be delighted to know that this time her words could not hold more truth.  
I feel a strong dislike for that part. Should you not – when in love – only be concerned with the safety of your beloved? I find it difficult to worry about his though, taking into account what he is but I know they have ways of not only destroying him physically but mentally as well. I wonder what my role is in that part.

Am I really in love with him or am I only fascinated by what he represents? Is the chemistry between us just the consequence of the allurement he is supposed to be for me or is it special and only between the two of us?

A thousand questions haunt my mind and the only way I have found to escape them is sleeping although it is not always a successful method. Sometimes I dream of him – red eyes, brilliant smile, cold touch. Sometimes it is a good dream and I see myself at his side. The brothers are still there, an omnipresent danger lurking in the background, but not to us since we are siding with them again. I am much more similar to them; strong, gorgeous and fearless. Sometimes there is blood in my dreams, too much blood, and it is definitely not a good dream.  
Then there are nights in which I am successful at blocking out everything and sleep is peaceful but suddenly I wake up and reality is still as despairingly horrible as before and the worst part is that I still yearn for him. He is my first thought in the morning and the last before I go to sleep and I know he will be my last when I die as well.

There is still the possibility that I shiver in his arms just because of the temperature of his skin, I tell myself. I have become quite good at lying to myself.

I do not tell him any of this though, just like he does not share his real thoughts with me. He used to at some point but even then those moments were rare and it is not one of those moments now. Right now he whispers soothing words in my ear while he tries to build a secure castle around me that consists of his arms. I wonder if he is haunted by the same questions and if he begrudges me the ability to sleep. I know he is aware of how foolishly we are behaving, trying to keep up a facade while ignoring the circumstances that cannot be changed no matter how hard we try.  
He sees the imminent danger just as I do and he has become edgy. One more provocative glance of Jane thrown into my direction and I know he will explode. I think she knows what kind of bond has formed between us and she is delighted to taunt us with reality again and again. Is she envious? If she is wise, she knows no such feeling but she is a child after all, is she not?

I know it was stupid to fall in love with him but if you look at it from an objective point of view and ignore the fact that he is kind of supernatural and I am supposed to be his food I fell in love for all the right reasons. He has everything I have always searched for in a man and at the same time he is everything I have been told to run away from.

He is my right kind of wrong, my saviour and my death.

To say it in a poetical way, my heart yearns for him and all I can to is to heed its call. It is not embarrassing for me to verbalise it this way because it nails the truth spot-on. It just does not capture reality as a whole with all the dreadful twists and open ends.

When I decided to work for them my sole hope was that they would be able to make me strong and if that involved losing my humanity, it did not matter to me. I realise now that he alone has made me stronger than each one of them because I fight for something that is not within reach and for a battle that was never destined for me to win.  
When I left my family I wanted a different life than the one they could have offered me, one that had substance and was reliable. With both of my parents being artists, my father a writer and my mother an actress, our life had been prone to confuse and unsettle me. We left and arrived and then left again and I was always hovering in the air above them. Naturally, I rebelled against their lifestyle greatly and naturally, nobody understood my behaviour, neither my impulsive parents nor my envious friends.  
I would laugh if the situation would not be so grave. I have become what I never wanted to be. I dance and dance every day and it is still unknown if my performance is approved of by the audience or if they will force me off the stage. There is only one person who has already shown me his admiration but I fear he will turn around soon and leave me behind.

I sigh and shift my face deeper into the folds of his cloak. I hate Nature for making him so attractive to me, for making his smell so deliciously addictive. His arms tighten around me and I know I am testing the boundaries of his self-control. I do not notice that he has been silent all the time until he asks me if he should take me home and I nod instinctively although it does not matter to me where he takes me as long as he is with me. What meaning has home for me anyway?

As the wind picks up around us I realise that there is no solution for us. I am not a princess and he is not a prince on a white horse. My life is not a fairytale that is supposed to have a happy ending but it still is a story I might enjoy before it comes to its unfortunate end. I hope that after the author has finished telling my story, there will be a sequel for him.

Oddio, how I love him and how that is enough for me.  
I fall asleep in his arms and the sleep that claims me is deep and dreamless.


End file.
